Don't you send me to vm
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
