Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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