I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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