I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
