mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
