I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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