i was born a porn star she said
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
