she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
