omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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