U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
