really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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