the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
