Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
