I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
