South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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