Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
