Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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