i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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