no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
