hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
