You're so nebulous sometimes
420 ftw
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize