I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
