I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
