actually, I'm a sock model
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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