have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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