Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
