I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
