It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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