Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
