In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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