was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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