i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she peed on how many people?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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