dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I have post one night stand depression
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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