Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
