just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
