I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
