can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
