Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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