Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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