if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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