you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
