so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
