the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I am one with the molecules
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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