She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
