im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize