I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
