I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
