I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
