Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
