Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
