I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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