Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
