Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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