You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
