i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I will die if light touches me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
