My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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