I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
