Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
