I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
