He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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