I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
