hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
