she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
ok first of all what the fuck
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
