God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
