Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
