So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just found puke in my bra..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
