summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
