I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
