Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Boobs speak an international language.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
