Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
