yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
