I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
