You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Two words: blizzard sex
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