I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
