looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
