Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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