Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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