Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
So. Much. Porn.
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