he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
