i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
