pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize