I wanna bring you to show and tell
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
